Monday, September 1, 2014

Happy Labor Day

I finally went to see "Guardians of the Galaxy" and I loved it.  I loved everything about it.  The music, the story, the attitude, the flawed characters.

It was fun, and it'll be part of my "change my energy" movie list, when I need to get out of a funk.  Don't get me wrong,  a walk and working out is a fine way to get out of a low mood.  I reluctantly admit a good movie can do the same thing.

I'm not good at hanging out on my exercise equipment and watching a movie.  It just feels too disconnected.  When I work out I try to go as hard as I can for the shortest amount of time as possible.

I've been using the workouts from MyThoughtCoach.com for years.  I've taken a break for a while, but I feel the pull to get back into the interval work outs.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Working my way back

I know I haven't been writing lately.  It's been a choice really to decided to put the kids and others first all the time.  Sometimes instead of writing I read instead.  Even if it's a few minutes, I want to put writing into my routine.

We just returned home today from a trip to O'Hare airport.  We had a wonderful appointment with a Global Entry officer.  John took two kids and I took two kids, and John's appointment was much faster than mine.  I tend to chat it up whenever I meet someone new.

Turned out the officer was a kindred spirit.  I love typewriters, he loves fountain pens.  We talked about the old school way of communicating and how it seems to have become more of a lost art.  He told the kids nothing is better than getting a hand written note in the real mail, and they should consider doing it.

I notice how easy it is for me to be so patient with perfect strangers, and the complete opposite towards my children at times.  I'd like to work on that.

I've recently finished listening to, "There's More to Life than This" by Theresa Caputo.  It was a fun listen, and I especially enjoyed the authors commentary at the end.  I hope the author writes another book just about writing the book.  I'm sure everything that's happening around this amazing woman is for a reason, some of which is explained in the book, is for the highest good.  I know I've watched the, "Long Island Medium" show, and have had some comfort myself from it.


Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Maleficent Movie Review, Go see it.

Okay, LOVED it!  Big thumbs up from this humble reviewer.  I did my best to not give anything away since it's still in theaters.

Last night I took my girls to see a movie they had already seen with their dad.  I heard good things from them, and I was intrigued.

My attention for this movie was peeked in an article about the writer of a major scene.  Here's a link to the article, about editing the scene caused the writer to cry each time she went through it.

Right from the start of the movie, I noticed my emotional reaction to this idealistic fantasy world this fairy comes from.  It was so well done, I wanted to protect it.  The writers, didn't disappoint in drawing me in more by making Malificent the guardian of such a place.

The movie had me tearing up throughout because it reached into the depths of sorrow and loss, beauty, and consequences based on the choices of greed, ambition, and love.  Near the end of the movie, I was almost jumping out of my seat during the big conflict.

The innocent child Aurora, was well done, and there was a fantastic chemistry between her and Malificent.  The actors in this movie, had me lost in the story.  This is EXACTLY what I'm looking for when I go to a movie.

This movie helped me forget about what was happening outside the doors of the theater.  Once I walked out, I had some great realizations about how I'd like to respond to my losses in this life.

I'm looking forward to the movie coming out on DVD because this is one of those movies I'll use to change my energy.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

I'm functional again and I'm finding it hard to be balanced.

The anniversary for Marilena just nine days past.  I'm still learning on this journey of grief.  I'll always be learning on the journey of life.  I'm more productive since the date has past.  Plus the kids are home from school.  I'm learning how to balance what I want to do with responsibilities.

Here is a poem, I wrote to help me process the six year anniversary of my beautiful daughters still birth.  It gave me a taste of release I feel when I write something that's all mine.  I do love writing when I do it.


Six years ago. 
I suffered.
I passed through a death door
Parts died.
As in thoughts of me 
Like...
All babies are born safely. 
And everything bad in my life is because I failed.
My unworthiness.
Perfectionism.
Separation.
I'll always be walking through doors, 
Of Acceptance,
Of Anger, 
Of letting go,
Of peace,
Love.
I can choose every day 
How I want to remember.
By focusing on my lessons
Here.
While you focus on yours 
Where ever you are.
Your door illuminated real love.
It didn't require tiny eyes to open.
Or Breath.
Now I lean in when I remember, 
I do not Dwell 
On loss.
I love.
I choose to be divinely proud
I am 
Your mother.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Grief wave hits and knocks me off my feet today.

June 8 is the six year anniversary for my daughter Marilena's (Mary -Lane- Ah)  still birth at 39 weeks.  Today a grief wave has hit me.  I literally felt knocked down today.  This time I'm reaching out.  I'm writing.  I've been calling friends and when I feel like crying I'm going to let it out.  Even if I have to call a friend over, which I did this morning to watch Luc while I be with what I'm feeling.  

Part of me thought, "I thought I was okay with all this."  And most of me is okay, and there's a part of me still kicking and screaming wishing I was celebrating a six year olds birthday soon.  It wants to see her play with her siblings in addition to all the good I have now.

When I sit with that feeling and try to imagine my life different than it is now.  It's all fake.  It's forced. Trying to imagine a six year old here can only happen in my imagination.  It's aggravating to try. It can't be better than what I have right now, day to day, moment to precious moment.

And what I have now is real for me, it's tangible.  I can see, touch, and hear and feel my husband and kids all who have a heartbeat.  I cannot properly picture life with Marilena without dwelling on pain that serves me NOT.

Marilena is fine in God's arms, and I'm thankful for her.  I'm grateful for the grief I've learned so much from, because there is a maturity and compassion that came after my heart broke into pieces.  I let my heart break and break and break for her, for my husband, for my kids… for me.

I'm realizing after six years, it's not done breaking.  If that's the way it's suppose to be.  It's okay, I'll take it.  I'll take the time to cry and let out these tantrums of pain in whatever form they are suppose to come out.  What always comes after a release like that is relief, and peace and realizations that I'm okay.  My heart breaking did not break my love.  It's opened me up to my Highest Power.

My heart breaking crushes out the worst parts of me, and allows me to be real.  What have I been protecting myself from all this time anyway?  What is so terrible about being vulnerable and open and being with my feelings.  I guess if it was easy everyone would be at peace.  Here's to going for peace.

I want my baby girl to know mommy's okay.  I'm grateful I was chosen to be her mother, because I would do it again.

The biggest realization out of all of this, even though I thought I was so alone, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, my Highest Power, has been with me the whole time.  All I have to do is remember, and lean in.

The part of her that is most real for me is the love my heart feels now.  I love you.  Thank you.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

April Fool's Day, Steve Job's & Paramahansa Yogananda

Here is a previous post from April 1.  April fools! I didn't hit publish.
***

I've been away from blogging.  When I'm not writing, I'm so busy with the kids.  I have plenty of excuses like all artists do.  When I'm not writing I'm not happy.

My basic problem with not writing stems from not taking time for myself.  Taking such time is something I've only started doing since Luc has been born.

I looked up April Fool's day, because I wanted to talk about it with the kids.  The truth is no one really knows.  For me April Fool's is a time to lighten up.  My responsibilities suck the fun out of me most of the time.

I've decided to start reading, Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda.  From the first few pages it motivates me to write.  Literally, I get through a few pages, and then I write.  It's such a deep level of inspiration for me.  I can honestly say, I've started the autobiography of Michelle Pacione.  I really started it a long time ago, but now I've started it with real intention.

When I read the book Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson it was also such an inspiration to me.  Steve read the yogi book every year, he realized the importance of self actualization early.  I feel like I'm following the signs back home somehow.

Savoring the laundry

The never-ending laundry has been a source of stress for me.  My kids are now old enough to help.  Today, I was putting laundry in the washer, noticing with resentment that no one uses the labeled hampers to sort anything.

In a moment, I saw myself, years from now.  And I knew that I was going to miss this laundry, and the little clothes with my WHOLE BEING.  I lovingly separated the undergarments from the inside out jeans.


Sunday, March 9, 2014

Free write #2

Okay set the timer again for ten minutes in and I'm just going to let loose, and go.  I know the last time I did this some heavy stuff came out.  And I believe that is where I'm suppose to "go" when I'm letting it all loose. 

Maybe blog posts aren't suppose to be free write… open writes… open chakra.  I experienced a closed throat after I did the last free write and I didn't post it.  I felt off, like something was wrong, and I actually believe I stressed myself out by not posting it.  Once I posted it, I felt so much better.  

I just want to feel free to say whatever I needed to say.  And the biggest thing for me is feeling free to talk about my transformational journey I'm on.

When we went to Hawaii back at the end of September beginning of October, we met this Kahuna name Alalani and she recognized what was happening to me before I did.  She said, “You are experiencing a spiritual awakening and it makes you lonely at times.”  She was so right.  I had been feeling lonely while all of these revelations where exploding in my head while I was going through ACIM*.  I would feel this sense of total peace with the lessons, and then I'd want to talk about it to someone, but there wasn't anyone.    

And I've been experiencing dreams in a way more vivid manner than I have my whole life.  The dreams have been symbolic and I know I need to make more time to learn from them.

Time, that is my problem.  I feel as though I am not a good steward of my time and and I real want to work on that.  I tend to "squirrel" my way through life.  And I love using that word "squirrel" because I picture the dogs from "Up" in my head and I love them.  

I've created a women's circle group.  I've only asked a handful of friends to come to it, because its a meeting, an authentic meeting between friends talking about exactly the things I really want to talk about.  The last meeting was about being in the moment, and how I learned about mushim which is a Korean word for "no mind." Something I've learned from my Hapkido Master back in Lombard.  

I missed him something terrible.  After I left in 2009 I grieved the loss of going to that school.  However, I know I'm not suppose to be learning under him anymore.  Things are as they should be, to deny that causes chaos for me. He is one that has pointed to wisdom, but has never claimed to be wise.  He points to being in balance, but doesn't pretend that he perfected it.  He just does what he is suppose to do.  I love his example.

Time’s up.  Thank you!


*ACIM = A Course In Miracles.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Kids finally back at school

It's 2:30 pm on March 5th.  I don't have much time so this is going to be a free write blog post.  Here we go.  Setting a 15 minute timer.

We had some quality time with the flu at my house for the past two weeks.  This is my first real quiet time.  It's about to end in less than an hour.  Luc is down for his nap.  I cannot believe he is going to be 2 years old soon.  He is such a learning experience.  It's a whole new perspective.

This new perspective thing feels like a theme in my life right now.  I've been obsessed with reading this book,  “Joy's Way - A Map for the Transformational Journey” by W. Brugh Joy.  I finished the book today and I feel like I know this guy, or he knows me.  I've been on a transformational journey, and it feels lately like it’s picking up speed.  One pivotal moment feels like the start of it all, because it feels like life before and after this event are two different lifetimes.

June 8, 2008 when I gave birth to a still born baby girl, named Marilena (Mary-Lane-Ah).  Yes, I guess I'm going there.  I realize every moment of the experience of her; pregnancy, birth, the fall out of all the stages of grief I went through, all of it, is the start of my transformational journey.  It's still unfolding. I'm grateful.

The six year anniversary is approaching.  Also, a very significant number for me besides the number eight.  Feng shui is heavy into numbers.  

When I moved, I was just one year into my grief.  I read the book, “Move Your Stuff Change Your Life” by Karen Carter, and it opened a simple door to Feng Shui.  I would put pieces of construction paper under my furniture. Trying to get out of negative patterns within.  I noticed how crystals would amp up the energy in a room.  I would get excited when I saw a house with a red door, or had numbers that added up to the number nine.

Nine is a number I'm always heading towards.  All I wanted from the start of my grief was for it to be over.  I went to a counselor who focused on grief, and it became almost a joke with us, almost.  I'd ask almost every session at least one of the questions, "How much longer do I have to go through this? I don't want to feel this way anymore. Will the crying stop soon? Is there a good estimated grief end time?”  
And she'd always say, "I wouldn't be honoring you if I tried to answer that question."
Nine is a number of completion.

Hind site causes me to look at that beautiful woman I was with love.  I never really had love or compassion for her before.  I'm able to look at her differently because part of me couldn't believe I could live in a world where babies die.  Then, I couldn't believe in anything, because once I started denying facts it was a path to chaos.  Death seemed like it was everywhere for me and I wanted out. 

Feng shui became a lifeline for me.  I needed the mystery of it during a time the world wasn't understandable so I could get through my days.   I felt if I could influence the energy in my house I could somehow change mine.  It was one of my many tools I used to cope. 

Hey that will be a good future blog post.  Tools that helped me cope with my grief.  

Time's up, free write over.  
Kids are home.  
More on Joy's Way and transformation when I can.  I'll quickly proof this tonight and post, without looking back. 


 9:17pm kids in bed, finally, thank you!  After being sick we, mostly I, fell off the routine wagon.  We’ll have to baby step our way back on.  

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Poems Feb 23, 2014

I'm your earthly mother
Not perfect
Meant to fall
Meant to disappoint
Until
You can see clearly


No excuses
It is what it is
It's not about me
And it's all about me
No judgements 
No expectations
Delete the need to understand
And you will
And it is


Thursday, February 13, 2014

Notes from Audio book, "Divine Rebels: Saints, Mystics, Holy Change Agents - and You" by Caroline Myss, Andrew Harvey

I'm a Audible.com listener, and this is the latest.  It's more of a lecture type format between the two authors.

Caroline's voice can come across as very cutting, yet I appreciate her honesty, and love the content.  The passion they both have for the saints was such an education in perspective.  It's a long one but I did enjoy.

I see the Virgin Mary in a whole new perspective after that book.  Andrew Harvey has concentrated on the study of the Virgin Mary for most of his career.  And his passion for the story of her life was really moving.  Good stuff.

Random notes I wrote to myself while listening:

-- The old rules for living that once helped us survive are just not valid anymore.  (I believe she means spiritually.)

--- I have a whole new perspective of what a "Dark night of the soul" means.  Gives me a new look at my times of depression and grief.

-- Now I want to read stuff that takes me out of my finite self into my infinite self. She said look for brutal honesty like Emily Dickenson, Rumi, etc.

-- I will live in readiness for the unknown.

-- Recognize that healing has many expressions, but to only look to the body for healing is limiting.

-- Every day each of us is healing something….attitude, memory, addiction, some part of us always heals and never stops.

-- Stay in prayer every day
    --for guidance
    --for others
    --for strength

Things to say in Prayer
-- I know with God all things are possible
-- Hover over me God.
-- The Grace of God Pours into me.  Let your Grace melt away everything that frightens me.  I might not  have enough faith today but grant me the faith I need to move forward. Hover over me God.  Hover.


Friday, February 7, 2014

Savoring the Lemons

I've been keeping up with a blog of a friend of a friend.  It's called "If Life Gives You Lemons, Just Add Vodka. My fight against breast cancer."  As of today she is on day 151 of her journey.  I've laughed and cried with her and I've been so very grateful for her example.

My friend told me about her blog, and said, "It's like she's holding my my hand through this path she is on."  I'm sending love to Nancie and her friends and family out there in Australia.

Australia, now that's a place I've always wanted to go.  I've had a fascination with the place since I was college student in Chicago, a time my kids think must have sucked because the iPhone wasn't invented yet.

I was visiting a friend that graduated already with a few friends of mine in Pensacola, Florida for spring break.  He told me about his short time in Sydney in 1995.

He went to a bar with his friends, and everyone was ready to let off some steam after being on a military ship for weeks.  He said there wasn't any music at all, and everyone was talking in hushed tones. My friend found a pretty lady to get some information.

"What's going on around here?  Isn't this where people go to have fun?" he asked.
"Something terrible happened today.  We're not celebrating tonight."
"What happened?"
"Two children were killed."
"Well, that happens every day in Chicago.  That doesn't stop us from living!"
And she looked at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Excuse me…children have died here for no reason today.  You will not be celebrating. Not tonight." And the stranger turned on her heel and left.

It changed him, and he fell in love with the place.  He wanted to go back there after he finished active duty.

Reading Nancie's blog about her journey has touched me deeply.  Her vulnerability has shown a courage and strength only love provides.  Reading about the support she has from her friends and family, nurses and doctors, validates the lesson that we are all in it together.  It's changing me for the better, and I feel like she's holding my hand through it too.  She brings me strength and resolve for life in a way I couldn't even try to explain.

Thank you Nancie, please keep writing.

When life gives you lemons, just add vodka.  I love it.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Savoring the words of Stephen Levine

"You watch your mind to see who are are not.  I watch my mind to gain a sense of its content, which as always been my pain.  As I watch it, I get a sense of its impermanence.  Thoughts come and go as part of a process.  I see how content dissolves into process and begin to see the patterns in the process.  Realizing it isn't MY suffering, MY pain, it becomes THE pain.  I've gone from the tiny, the small, and the individual to the universal.  I feel OUR pain.  When we do, we go from fear to compassion.  Fear is MY pain, compassion is THE pain. ~ Stephen Levine

A dear friend of mine gave this poem to me because she felt it was something good for me to read.  And it knocked me over.

This poem feels like it was absolutely written for me.  It's says for me what I cannot say about something in my spirit right now.  I've been realizing since the passing of my daughter, a pivotal life event for me, that the thoughts living in my head are mostly lies, yes MOST of them.  The ones that make me suffer, are the biggest lies.

I have been watching my mind to see exactly who I am NOT.  I am the exact opposite of what I have thought I was for so long.  The content I've absorbed most of my life has been totally completely not true, and a huge source of pain for me.  And for this I’m so grateful, more peaceful, and more willing to be easier on myself, to love myself.

It's only recently that I get a sense of the "impermanence" he is talking about.  If I'm patient with myself, I'm learning the suffering thoughts do pass.  And I love when they do, and when they do, I don't brace myself for the next one.  I know not to take the next one so damn seriously.  Thank God for this.

At first I didn't know what he meant by process, so I looked it up.  

process : a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end:

And what comes to me is there is no end when it comes to suffering thoughts, this I know.  I've heard Dr. Wayne Dyer talk about thoughts as a stock market line always going and going and changing.  I like to think of our thoughts this way, just background noise, most can just pass on by.  Buh Bye.

I got tripped up in "it becomes THE pain."  And I realize he is at a space I have not joined in yet.  I’m going there, it’s on the edge of my understanding.

The last line of the poem made me think people upset collectively doesn’t help anyone, it creates a pity party.  Everyone spirals down to a negative space.  If one person can elevate above the suffering thoughts, then at least something productive can happen.

Stephen Levine's work helped me remember my suffering thoughts, any thoughts I have are not new.  They are “our pain”.  I'd like to read more of his stuff. 


Deep thoughts today.  Sending my best to all.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Savoring the lessons

I have not been doing my routines.  What is my deal?  I resist looking at the to do list, even though when I do it, I feel better, great even.  Just writing that makes me determined to do my evening routine, and get back on track.  I’ve just decided to print it out and put it on my bathroom mirror.  

Overloaded
I was watching Oprah's Super Soul Sunday (SSS) on Tuesday night.  DH was out of town, and I was toasted after my third day alone with the kids.  I love my kids.  Why have I been so overloaded?  I know this answer, because I don’t take time for myself.  

I have about 25 episodes of SSS stored on my Tivo. I decided on the Carolyn Myss interview.  She was first on Oprah Show about 15 years ago, and I actually remember some of those episodes.  It was a deep conversation about life, and following your purpose.  It resonated with me that not being happy is a choice and a betrayal against myself.  And even though I didn’t get through the whole episode, I added a bunch of new affirmations to my list of personal ones.  I’ll include those at the end of this piece.

What comes around goes around
Life is so funny.  I judged the hell out of my mother about being overloaded when I was a teenager.  My mom would hear things from my dad like, "You have the life of Rielly.  What could you possibly be doing all day?"  And I would hear those judgements, and like a sponge I’d judge judge judge her.  Now that I’m in my forties I know she was depressed.  And I know for sure she was listening to her negative thoughts otherwise I’d have happier memories.  

Now I judge judge judge myself.  I can break into my dad’s judgement talk at any time it’s one of the negative voices inside my head that I don’t believe in anymore.  I’ve decided I’m not playing that game.  Period. 

Here are those affirmations 
I graciously accept good into my life right now. 
I deserve abundance. 
I am financially secure. 
I am supported  abundantly today and every day in my future.
I have never lost my life purpose. 
I refuse to carry judgments, about my life.
I give up any expectations about anything.
I give up the need to know what happens tomorrow. 
I am fully present.
I appreciate fully all that is in my life right now.
The only help I'm every really going to find is my own, this is good news.
(All of the above inspired from the SSS show.)
I am the one that knows how to take care of myself.
I will not and do not focus on anything that does not belong to me. 
I will not hang on to any rage within this body. 
I easily hear and understand the inner voice of spirit.
I am fully present and appreciate my life. 
I will never should all over myself. 
Forgiveness is realizing that what I thought, didn't happen.
I joyously run forward to greet life’s wonderful experiences.

Goodnight.


Monday, January 20, 2014

How can your jaw and seeing clearly be linked?

I'm learning the only one who punishes me is myself.  I'm learning I've been too hard on myself for too long.  I'm learning most of the time when I’m reacting to something it's because I am reacting to something else. Something I didn’t realize was on my radar.

My prayer this year is for clarity.  Lack of this is the reason I've been unable to break patterns in the past.  I’m a master at stuffing my feelings down.  It was only when I was pregnant that I wouldn’t be able to do it.  Therefore, when I was pregnant, as happy as I was, there were times when I suffered because I would just blow from all the stress of trying so hard to keep myself together.

I went to get a massage recently, and the massage therapist said, “People don’t realize that the body has memory.  Everything you have ever seen, or done, every breath you’ve ever taken is stored in the cells of your body.  We hold it all.”  
“How do you let it go?” I asked.
“I don’t know, I’m not sure it’s the same answer for everyone.  But it helps when you can relax.  That’s why I love what I do.  I help people relax, but there’s only so much I can do.  The rest is up to you.”

I will no longer be a slave to the past anymore.  It's the triggers of the past that cause the over reactions of my present.   I choose instead to go another path.  Do I sound convincing?  I’m doing my best to convince myself.  


I’ve recently bought the book by Iyanla Vanzant, “Forgiveness: 21 Days to forgiving everyone for everything.”  Ha!  I know that’s every 21 days for the rest of my life.  More on that book later and how it impacts me.  The little bit I’ve read is very powerful, and addresses unconscious actions.

A few months ago, I went to the orthodontist thinking I was going to get my teeth corrected and improve my smile.  Instead, I found out what I need to concentrate on is my jaw joint.  It turns out that because of my severe overbite, the TMJ that I thought went away really just wore away my jaw joint.  I still have some joint left.  Thank you for that.  However, protocol for this is to wear a splint in my mouth to save it.  Basically, if I don't address this issue now, then I will be be stuck with soft food for the rest of my life and a very week jaw joint.  

The splint is like a retainer and it enables me to make a full bite all around my teeth.  Before the splint I was only making contact on two spaces on either side of my bite.  Thanks to the splint, I realized I was doing serious acrobats with my tongue to eat my food.  Now I am taking, normal bites and it's been quite eye opening for me.  What can be done more unconsciously than eating?

There seems to be a parallel thing going on with this jaw thing and seeing clearly.  I know this is also going to help me change my patterns.  I'd just like to do this whole thing in the most positive manner I can.  That's why I'm here, writing to you.  I don't want to repeat my suffering in silence m.o. again.  Especially when I realize this is a choice for wellness.  

Thanks for reading this.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Year of the Routine in 2014

Here is another thing I've been putting off.  The routine schedule for me and my kids.  I've been so hard on myself about this.  I think I've had to be in order to realize how insane it is to be hard on myself.  Being hard on myself at one time in my life would motivate the shit out of me to get moving.  Now all it does is stall me up.

I've been a FLY BABY for quite a long time.  As in 12 years I've been fluttering with my routines on and off.  For a while I was soaring.  I had so much under control with the house, it gave me confidence.  I became a pro at making the lists and updating and doing them for a while.  I'd fall off the routine thing and then I'd always have a decent Flylady base to get back into it.  

Emotional Land mine

Then in 2008, I experienced a stillbirth.  I don't want to go into the details of that in this blog post but I'd like to share how grief caused me to get out of a very productive time in my life.  I dropped the smooth running routine machine and I road the grief waves that carried me through the past five years. I know the lessons from that loss are still not over.

 I tried getting back on track but every time I tried I'd remember things.  Stuff that made me suffer like, "I was in the middle of making a new routine that included the new baby." Boom, land mine, "She didn't come, she's never going to come." Boom. Back to being hard on myself again.  I've played this out too much. It's only hurt  me.  I choose to stop playing.  It's the Year of the Routine!

Now to keep me motivated, to selfishly take care of myself.  I'm going to share the routine I've created for me and for my kids.  I use the Cozi app on all of our electronic devices and I check at night to see if we have all done our routines.  There's a satisfying check box that crosses out everything you have completed.  Kids check them and I uncheck them at night.  Hooray!

I'd like to share that so far this year we haven't experienced yelling or  screaming in the morning.  I haven't had to drive the kids to school.  No one has missed breakfast yet.  And at night, kids are getting in bed earlier and lunches are being made.  We get along so much better.   I feel myself wanting to backslide.  It's like an invisible wet blanket I feel over me in the winter and I don't want to move.  It's so subtle.  I'm grateful I'm noticing it now.

Here is to changing my patterns in 2014.  This is for me to honor my angel in heaven and become a better mom for my angel children I can see and feel. 

I love myself Morning Routine 2014 
  • Are you doing your best?
  • Rise and shine ( at least earlier than kids) ACIM LESSON
  • Meditate/ Pray. Thank you, I love you, I am as God created me. (Take time if you can!)
  • Bathroom, shower, face, clean up 
  • Make bed
  • Dress to shoes
  • Start laundry
  • Empty dishwasher
  • Help kids do their routines
  • Start breakfast
  • Feed family, include me.
  • Take vitamins and DRINK water! 
  • Check schedule and calendar/ to do list 
  • What is for dinner?
  • Hit the hot spots
  • Kid craft for today?
Kids Routines 
I've made one for each kid in Cozi and they have been tweaking it as we go.  For example my little girl with super curly hair has has to dampen her hair and scrunch it instead of comb it, otherwise it's a mess.

WAKE UP EARLY 6:45 A.M.
  • Get dressed to socks
BATHROOM
  • Check your time
  • Do your personal grooming routine: teeth, face, straighten your hair? Before you go downstairs
  • Make your bed
  • Make sure your room is locked because of little guy.
DOWNSTAIRS
  • Check the time
  • Make/eat breakfast
  • Clear your place (plate & cup in dishwasher)
  • Get back pack ( homework ?/ Papers signed?)
  • Get shoes and coat by door
  • Be ready for bus by 7:15am (Are you doing your best?)
PRACTICE
  • Is there time left to practice your instrument? 
It's all still a work in progress.  No more putting things off in 2014!  Best to you!

Thursday, January 9, 2014

This is something I've wanted to do for a long time.

I've been hesitating for a long time about this.  Maybe I'm alone in this, but I've been afraid to come out of my shell.  Somehow, creating a blog is my way of doing this.  It's my way saying to myself in the best way I know how, Hey you can do this.  Maybe someone will read it, and any kind of response will help motivate you.  Anything from anyone is better than nothing at all.

So hi world wide web. I've done it.  I'm here, and I'm going to start posting about all the things that I want to savor.  I want to savor my lessons in this life and learn them in the most positive manner.  I want to savor my husband, my children, my shelter, my food, my drink, and yes, even my water.

My favorite book is The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien and I've read that book many times.  It's beautiful to get lost in the words of story. I savor each page.

How I feel about that savoring process fills me with passion and energy.  I don't see a reason why this couldn't permeate the rest of my life.  And since writing is also a passion of mine.  I choose to blog about all the things I want to savor, so I can bring the same energy into it all.

That is the theme of this blog and my first blog post ever.