I'm learning the only one who punishes me is myself. I'm learning I've been too hard on myself for too long. I'm learning most of the time when I’m reacting to something it's because I am reacting to something else. Something I didn’t realize was on my radar.
My prayer this year is for clarity. Lack of this is the reason I've been unable to break patterns in the past. I’m a master at stuffing my feelings down. It was only when I was pregnant that I wouldn’t be able to do it. Therefore, when I was pregnant, as happy as I was, there were times when I suffered because I would just blow from all the stress of trying so hard to keep myself together.
I went to get a massage recently, and the massage therapist said, “People don’t realize that the body has memory. Everything you have ever seen, or done, every breath you’ve ever taken is stored in the cells of your body. We hold it all.”
“How do you let it go?” I asked.
“I don’t know, I’m not sure it’s the same answer for everyone. But it helps when you can relax. That’s why I love what I do. I help people relax, but there’s only so much I can do. The rest is up to you.”
I will no longer be a slave to the past anymore. It's the triggers of the past that cause the over reactions of my present. I choose instead to go another path. Do I sound convincing? I’m doing my best to convince myself.
I’ve recently bought the book by Iyanla Vanzant, “Forgiveness: 21 Days to forgiving everyone for everything.” Ha! I know that’s every 21 days for the rest of my life. More on that book later and how it impacts me. The little bit I’ve read is very powerful, and addresses unconscious actions.
A few months ago, I went to the orthodontist thinking I was going to get my teeth corrected and improve my smile. Instead, I found out what I need to concentrate on is my jaw joint. It turns out that because of my severe overbite, the TMJ that I thought went away really just wore away my jaw joint. I still have some joint left. Thank you for that. However, protocol for this is to wear a splint in my mouth to save it. Basically, if I don't address this issue now, then I will be be stuck with soft food for the rest of my life and a very week jaw joint.
The splint is like a retainer and it enables me to make a full bite all around my teeth. Before the splint I was only making contact on two spaces on either side of my bite. Thanks to the splint, I realized I was doing serious acrobats with my tongue to eat my food. Now I am taking, normal bites and it's been quite eye opening for me. What can be done more unconsciously than eating?
There seems to be a parallel thing going on with this jaw thing and seeing clearly. I know this is also going to help me change my patterns. I'd just like to do this whole thing in the most positive manner I can. That's why I'm here, writing to you. I don't want to repeat my suffering in silence m.o. again. Especially when I realize this is a choice for wellness.
Thanks for reading this.