Sunday, January 1, 2017

Loved this

My dearest friend said, "I think the best way a parent can give back is to raise children to be productive members of society." I've found it so easy to think about what I can do to improve my life outside my center of influence, instead I need to look harder much closer.

Still  working on that mission statement.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Happy New Year!

This time last year I was recovering from a total thyroidectomy and I learned when I went to New York to see my doctor that I was cancer free.  All the cancer was enclosed within the organ they removed.  Yay!

It was just the beginning of figuring out how to live with taking Synthroid every day, just like the rest of the millions of others throughout America.  I had no idea that the thyroid cancer was so prevalent, along with thyroid problems.

I've been slow and steady about feeling more energy and becoming clearer about my health.  It's been helpful to remove sugar, and gluten from my diet.  I'm basically paleo now.  Grateful, grateful grateful.

Here is to a new year of recovering from old ways of doing things that didn't serve me, and continuing to learn to do what does.

One of my first blog posts was about making a routine.  I still have yet to be consistent about that.  I have a new mantra, "A routine is just an organizational chart.  My child will always be in my heart."  It's for when I notice I'm not wanting to do what needs to be done.  I knew even THEN that I was tangling up my daughters loss with the routine.  I also didn't know how sick I was 2014.  When I was at my lowest of energy levels, I noticed that my mind would also go to my lowest point possible.   

Well here is to a new year of figuring it out.  I'm working on a new routine.  One that includes more things that light me up.   I'm answering the questions in this book by Michal Stawicki.  Thank you Michal for sharing your journey, and what you've been learning.  I'm writing this blog post today because I've been so motivated by the spirit in your book.  Grateful!

So here is to another year of being grateful to be here,
to learning all I can, and
to be more present,
to love more, talk less,
to be the best mom, wife, friend I can be,
to living out the next part of the journey in the most peaceful, positive manner.

Happy NEW Year everyone.  Wishing us all the best 2017 ever.   BUH-bye 2016, it's been a real learning experience. thank you.  :)

Dr. Wayne Dyer's movie, The Shift

***Again old one I didn't publish.  It's okay.  11-26-2016***

I loved his movie.  I love this man.  RIP Dr. Wayne Dyer.    

I am so sad I never got to meet him in person.   There was this secret desire that I would accidentally. serendipitously run into him in Maui one day.  I still feel this little tantrum  deep inside that wants to run at the though of the impossibility of this.

I'm probably closer to him never have met him in person.  Thank Dr. Dyer for all you have done to help me with all of your work.    Thank you for the legacy you've left behind.

Papillary Thyroid Cancer

*** Old post I never published.  Doing it now, better late than never.  It's interesting so see where my mind was at.  **

I've been diagnosed on November 3rd  with Thyroid cancer.

So what else is new?  Another person with cancer in a society where the word has such a charge, like Voldemort at the beginning of Harry Potter.

I've had all sorts of ideas about cancer in general, mostly that I wouldn't get it.  I think it's something that all young ones think they are going to avoid.  My dear friend is watching his father decline in health, and he texted, "Unfortunately shit happens.  When you are young you feel invincible like it won’t ever get you, but if you stick around long enough, it does."

I know he's hurting as he said that, and I totally get it.  Honestly, I've been in some mental pain since my diagnoses.  What I've been is a in pain in my own ass.  A pain in the neck has a whole new meaning for me now.

I've been like a kid with a tantrum, and I've been trying to be kind and understanding to myself as I would to any other person outside of myself diagnosed with cancer.  Only, I notice that is so much easier said than done.

I notice that as long as the pain is outside of me I have this capacity for infinite understanding towards others when they are in deep suffering.  I don't judge, I don't join them, (well sometimes I do) in fact I quietly cheer them on, knowing they are going to get to the other side,  stronger and better.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Memories in Hawaii

During this last trip I learned to paddle board.  For me it was like riding a bike.  When I first learned to ride a bike, I fell down a lot.  It sucked.  I couldn't do it.  It was a day of frustration.  The same on the paddle board.  A lot of falling, and I had to stop when I was too tired to pull up onto the board anymore.

The second day, something inside my brain clicked and I was up within minutes.  Just like the bike.

I learned:
to look forward, not down,
the paddle is suppose to be in what looks like the backwards position,
I want to work out more when I get home,
I was glad I didn't pay for a lesson,
that when I was tired, I could sit down and paddle,
and I didn't care ever about what anyone thought.

There was one day, I paddled way too far.  I kept head up, watching the houses that were just down the beach from my condo.  Learned some new places to try and snorkel.  When I turned around to come back, I was way outside my imaginary boundary.

Coming back, I focused on mountain near little Beach on Maui.  Head up, watching that mountain and there is a face in it.  A old wise man with angry eyebrows.  A grumpy guy.  This face helped to keep me on the paddle board for days.  When I wouldn't fall, I'd say Mahalo to him.

Now I'm out of bounds, and having trouble going back to home base, the water was darkest blue.  The dark blue scared me because it was so unknown.  It seemed I wasn't moving with every paddle stroke.  I checked the face, not angry.  I registered concern.

I realized I was projecting out some serious concern when I turned around to come back.  Eventually I watched his face, and concentrated until I made it.  I never stopped paddling and anything dangerous about the whole thing seemed like a dream.
It always is.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Ohana and Jump

Today I've decided to just jump back in.

Okay, just came back from Hawaii, the most beautiful place to me on the planet.  We were in Maui and hung out on the beach without a plan the entire time.  Beautiful.

I love Hawaii because Ohana (family) has tremendous deep spiritual meaning there.   They are simply there for each other, without fixing anything, (maybe they do).  Truth is I can see and feel how they love and support each other.  Again beautiful.

I noticed the native Hawaiians have these cool tribal tattoos.  I learned from the beautiful ladies taking care of the condo, they usually represent Ohana.  The tattoos are all about honor, love and respect for the Ohana in their lives.  After hearing this, seeing the tattoos opened my heart to all the ideas of what love is.

I know my Highest Power is in the connection to all my special relationships.  I'm grateful for all of them and everything they teach me.
I love snorkeling. 

Monday, September 1, 2014

Happy Labor Day

I finally went to see "Guardians of the Galaxy" and I loved it.  I loved everything about it.  The music, the story, the attitude, the flawed characters.

It was fun, and it'll be part of my "change my energy" movie list, when I need to get out of a funk.  Don't get me wrong,  a walk and working out is a fine way to get out of a low mood.  I reluctantly admit a good movie can do the same thing.

I'm not good at hanging out on my exercise equipment and watching a movie.  It just feels too disconnected.  When I work out I try to go as hard as I can for the shortest amount of time as possible.

I've been using the workouts from for years.  I've taken a break for a while, but I feel the pull to get back into the interval work outs.