I'm functional again and I'm finding it hard to be balanced.

The anniversary for Marilena just nine days past.  I'm still learning on this journey of grief.  I'll always be learning on the journey of life.  I'm more productive since the date has past.  Plus the kids are home from school.  I'm learning how to balance what I want to do with responsibilities.

Here is a poem, I wrote to help me process the six year anniversary of my beautiful daughters still birth.  It gave me a taste of release I feel when I write something that's all mine.  I do love writing when I do it.


Six years ago. 
I suffered.
I passed through a death door
Parts died.
As in thoughts of me 
Like...
All babies are born safely. 
And everything bad in my life is because I failed.
My unworthiness.
Perfectionism.
Separation.
I'll always be walking through doors, 
Of Acceptance,
Of Anger, 
Of letting go,
Of peace,
Love.
I can choose every day 
How I want to remember.
By focusing on my lessons
Here.
While you focus on yours 
Where ever you are.
Your door illuminated real love.
It didn't require tiny eyes to open.
Or Breath.
Now I lean in when I remember, 
I do not Dwell 
On loss.
I love.
I choose to be divinely proud
I am 
Your mother.