Free write #2

Okay set the timer again for ten minutes in and I'm just going to let loose, and go.  I know the last time I did this some heavy stuff came out.  And I believe that is where I'm suppose to "go" when I'm letting it all loose. 

Maybe blog posts aren't suppose to be free write… open writes… open chakra.  I experienced a closed throat after I did the last free write and I didn't post it.  I felt off, like something was wrong, and I actually believe I stressed myself out by not posting it.  Once I posted it, I felt so much better.  

I just want to feel free to say whatever I needed to say.  And the biggest thing for me is feeling free to talk about my transformational journey I'm on.

When we went to Hawaii back at the end of September beginning of October, we met this Kahuna name Alalani and she recognized what was happening to me before I did.  She said, “You are experiencing a spiritual awakening and it makes you lonely at times.”  She was so right.  I had been feeling lonely while all of these revelations where exploding in my head while I was going through ACIM*.  I would feel this sense of total peace with the lessons, and then I'd want to talk about it to someone, but there wasn't anyone.    

And I've been experiencing dreams in a way more vivid manner than I have my whole life.  The dreams have been symbolic and I know I need to make more time to learn from them.

Time, that is my problem.  I feel as though I am not a good steward of my time and and I real want to work on that.  I tend to "squirrel" my way through life.  And I love using that word "squirrel" because I picture the dogs from "Up" in my head and I love them.  

I've created a women's circle group.  I've only asked a handful of friends to come to it, because its a meeting, an authentic meeting between friends talking about exactly the things I really want to talk about.  The last meeting was about being in the moment, and how I learned about mushim which is a Korean word for "no mind." Something I've learned from my Hapkido Master back in Lombard.  

I missed him something terrible.  After I left in 2009 I grieved the loss of going to that school.  However, I know I'm not suppose to be learning under him anymore.  Things are as they should be, to deny that causes chaos for me. He is one that has pointed to wisdom, but has never claimed to be wise.  He points to being in balance, but doesn't pretend that he perfected it.  He just does what he is suppose to do.  I love his example.

Time’s up.  Thank you!


*ACIM = A Course In Miracles.

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